HOW DOES IT IMPACT YOUR DAILY LIFE?
Are you feeling guilty all the time because of your procrastination and dropping the ball?
Guilt has a sneaky way to steal your joy. It sneaks around and hovers, just waiting for someone to say or do something that implies they know about your imperfections and then it attacks. How does it attack and what are the consequences?
Say for instance, you are a caretaker and you are trying to keep the boat afloat at home. What are your actual duties as well as your self-imposed duties? Which do you keep under control and which gets away from you? Where do you drop the baton? Is it work, home, parenting, partnering, friendships, money matters, and the best one of all, yourself? Why are we so unorganized where our own personal wellbeing is concerned?
The cycle continues, you get things done, it is like a sack race, but you eventually reach the finish line with mess all along the way. And you feel like a failure most of the time. In the meantime, the biggest thief was skulking in the background of your subconscious mind “I am not good enough” is waiting for confirmation of this limiting belief that we all carry with us in some form another.
8 Signs that Guilt runs the show.
– You take offense when you feel someone implies you did not do your job properly even though it was not directed at you?
– You constantly feel as if you fail as a parent?
– You get up in the morning, with a sense of dread?
– You go to sleep knowing that you did not accomplish what you set out to do?
– You go overboard on most things: – working, social media, partying, sleeping?
– You overcompensate and feels resentful afterwards?
– You beat yourself up most the time?
– You have nothing left to give and just want to crawl into a hole?
If you have ticked 4 or more of these above, it shows you that guilt is affecting your life experience.
10 WAYS TO GET OUT OF THIS CYCLE
1. Stop and reset.
When you become aware of the cycle of guilt and its impact on your life, just stop for a moment and press the reset button. Say to yourself, time-out. You are hurting yourself, your family and your relationships.
2. Take stock
Take stock of yourself and your abilities. In your inner being, you know you are a good person only trying your best. This process does not involve feeling sorry for yourself, because that process alone only takes you down the rabbit hole of no return. But really take stock of your qualities that you know you have that you are proud of. You are doing your best, you have love, compassion and care in your heart. You only want the best for your loved ones. How can you be everything to everybody all the time? You are not a super being. You are doing your best and how can you improve.
3. Self-care and compassion
The first thing to do is to take care of yourself. When your cup is empty, you have nothing left to give. Take care of your inner being, your inner child, your heart. Nobody can do that for you. You need to acknowledge that you are too hard on yourself. Make a list of your strong points, honestly from your heart. There from where you know what you know. Take a moment and say to yourself, “I see you, I feel you, I love you.” Let the love that lives in your inner being, come to the fore and let it wash over you. See yourself as that little child of your youth. And love that perfect little person that was only trying to make sense of this big wide world. Cry in the shower and let the water wash away the hurt and resentment. The love you have for others, first need to be directed at yourself. Do this regularly. Find a guided healing meditation online and listen to it daily.
4. Set boundaries and priorities
For you and others. Acknowledge where you are not having boundaries and allow or ask others to help. We think we are alone in this, but it often a case where we do not allow others to help. Be honest with yourself, your family don’t help because they take too long to do their chores and you rather do it yourself. Or you expect others to see you need help and will not ask for it. If you have not asked you must not feel that people should offer. State your needs clearly. Do not imply anything or make statements that make the other person feel guilty. Only set yourself tasks that you can do and spread it out through the week so that you can achieve it daily. List the priorities and allow things that is out of your control to just be, and have a meeting to discuss where you need help and delegate. You should only feel guilty about things that you can control. Learn to be lenient, including yourself. We all can only do our best and learn to delegate to others what you don’t have time to do yourself. Build a strong team around you. If it has not been possible up till now, start and get your family to buy in so that all feels they are playing an important role. Show appreciation for each other’s achievements along the way.
5. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
Yes, make lists. Be realistic and make the lists so that you can get through them. At night, you need to set out time to make a new list for the next day and see where you did not get things done in this day. Reschedule and keep it simple, make allowance for interference. But the biggest secret of all, is your mental state. Set intentions every morning, see your list in your mind’s eye and see how you complete that list. Beware of negative self-talk, if you think things will go wrong, they most probably will. Set the intention that your day will flow with effortless ease. You are in control of your emotions not the things that happen. If you allow things to happen just the way they happen, and you stay centered. You will have a good day.
6. Do not overcommit.
Yes, this is a challenge. We all want others to admire us and like us. That is why we want to prove to others that we are what we think they want us to be. But you know what, the result is, that you drop the ball somewhere along the line and then you feel bad, the other person is disappointed, and you have another reason to feel guilty, but the biggest drawback from overcommitting, is resentment. If you do not do something from a place of love and congruity, but to buy another’s love, you start to feel resentment. This is a very dangerous place to go to. It paints your world with a dark brush. You feel that you are doing and giving more than what others will do for you and then the feeling of not being loved and accepted comes to the fore. It is like drinking poison. You need to do things out of compassion and a place of ease. Some things are easy for you to do, offer that. The things that you don’t have to put effort in. We all have talents. If you say no when someone ask you to do something that is out of your comfort zone or which you are not able to fit into your already full schedule, then you can say no without feeling guilty. You don’t even have to explain. If you are judged by saying no, then, so be it. If you are a person that has all the qualities we want from others, kindness, compassion, respect for yourself and others, honest, and to top it all is a good listener, then you never have to fear being judged. You are true to yourself and the model of the person you would like to have in your life.
7. Press the reset button when things get out of control
This process does not fall in place overnight. When you fall of the bus, press the reset button and re-assess. Change the things that do not work for you. Adjust and forgive yourself. Take stock of what you have achieved so far and pat yourself on the back. Make a new list, go and shower, and again, forgive yourself and feel appreciation for the things that you did right, listen to the healing meditation and go to sleep. Tomorrow is another day. Set new intentions the next morning
8. Forgive
Forgiveness is powerful. Forgive yourself, others and everybody. Take a moment when you jump into judgement of others. See them as you would see yourself. An imperfect being only trying to do their best. Nobody does anything without thinking that the act of doing, will make them feel better. What people say and do, always say more about themselves than about you. Most the time they are well meaning and do not see the impact words have on others. Forgive them and set yourself free.
9. Be present
If you really want to give a gift of love to your love ones and friends, give them the gift of your presence. Think about it, we are all pre-occupied. Especially with our phones. You don’t have to be clairvoyant to see that people do not really connect with their families and friends. Watch people in coffee shops and restaurants, how often do they really talk to each other? They are half-in, half-out a conversation. Make a decision to tell your friends and family that you are not available in the next 30 mins and put your phone on silent and really listen to the person you are with. Even more so with your children and partner. Make time for them. Really ask them questions that you wish someone will ask you. Be the difference you want to see in the world. Connection is precious.
10. Feedback and appreciation
Take stock regularly. See how far you have come and how it impacted your life. Tap yourself on the back and say to yourself. “you have tried, you have made mistakes, but mostly, you cared enough to try your best”. The biggest thing is, if you have followed my advice, you have connected with your inner being and realized that you have the only love that you need, right inside of your own heart. And if you use the tools in this article, you will see the results. Appreciate the things you will never change for the world. Appreciation is your key to success and the topic for the next chapter.
Just keep on and never give up on yourself. Keep the following in mind.
1. You are only doing your best
2. You are learning as you go along
3. You are a good person
4. You have super powers that you did not know exists.
5. You have to learn to love yourself
6. You can forgive yourself and others
7. Appreciation for all the things that you would not change for the world.
Take care dear one, you are all you have. Do not deplete your resources by neglecting yourself. You have to take care of yourself so that you are there to love the people that are important in your world.